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Getting an Alignment

For those of us that love our chiropractors, it’s incredible how we feel after we get adjusted and back in alignment.  Can’t relate?  How about how your car drives after an alignment?  I could write about many things that need alignments or adjustments.  Right now I want to talk about the alignment my family just received.  We just had a one hour meeting about balance and making things run more smoothly around here.  It’s like the body of Christ and how each part has to work together and how beautifully it glorifies God when it does.  So we all agreed to do our part to make the family run more smoothly so that everyone can do what they are supposed to do.  Before our “meeting”, Brian asked for God to be present.  As a visual, we had a nametag for God and our Bible at a chair at the table.  Here’s how the other nametags read:  Dad (Husband/Father/Head of Household), Mom (Wife/Mother/Family Manager), Jake (son/big brother/Group Leader), Emma (daughter/little & big sister/Chief Assistant). 

We’ve studied the word and how we all serve God and how Brian is the head of the household, so on and so forth.  We’ve had countless conversations about how that should look and how it should be carried out.  For the most part, it has worked.  I will say, it has felt like me running the show and asking God to help me do so.   

One month ago, I wrote my last blog.  Funny, that blog was about control too.  I did give the kids over to God - I then began to find other things to control (I’ll write about that some other time).  I lost focus on what I should be doing as a mom and wife.  There went the balance.  So, we needed an adjustment.  We sat down and talked (there’s a concept).  We talked about our jobs as God’s warriors and how we should be focused on His Kingdom and not ourselves.  It’s amazing what kids will do when given a job.  You can’t expect them to motivate themselves.  Tonight, I saw my kids become a part of something that they believe in.  Jake asked Jesus into his heart three years ago and Emma two years ago.  They both know that God wants them to spread His word; tell others about Jesus.  We talked tonight about how that looks on a daily basis.  Yes, even picking up your baby brother’s robe is serving God.  Like Emma said, “If I do something for you then that frees you up to do something for someone else.”

The reason I decided to blog about this is what Jake said after I tucked him in tonight.  I was talking to Jake about leading his sister and brother and not bossing them around.  I was giving him examples of what to say and how to do it.  He really wants more responsibility and Emma wants to run the whole show (don’t know where she gets that from).  Anyway, I said, “Just guide her, be a good example, don’t boss her around, do it gently and lovingly and she’ll listen.”  He looked up at me and said, “Just like Jesus, Mom.”  Just when you think they aren’t listening or they don’t get something – they blow your mind!  That’s how God must feel when we get it!

Some days it seems like I have such a long way to go.  At the end of the day I am exhausted.  Then there are days like today -I stand amazed – seeing God work.  Realizing that it all didn’t happen today.  It’s been happening those days that I was exhausted, those days that I didn’t know where I was going.  Then I look at where I came from.  I’m very thankful for God’s grace.  I just want to extend that kind of grace to everyone I know. 

Giving Up Control

We were talking during staff meeting Wednesday about things that God teaches you - over and over.  You think you get it each time but it continues to be something you have to work on.  Funny – that’s exactly how it is when you are teaching your own children.  After this crazy week of “raising kids”, I see the parallel.

I often say to my kids, “How many times do I have to tell you…”  Doesn’t matter what the lesson is, we have to work on it over and over again.  When my kids do something they shouldn’t do, we back up why it’s wrong with scripture.  We talk about how awesome it is that God forgives us and we try our hardest to do the right things in the future.  As parents, it just makes sense to treat our kids’ sin as we treat our own.  Yet, I would always get frustrated when my kids would do something they shouldn’t do. 

God has dealt with me and continues to deal with me on control issues.  Hi, my name is Deanna, and I am a control freak!  See, I know that.  It’s just hard to let go of certain things. 

We pray over our kids even before they are conceived, then during our pregnancy, during delivery, right after they are born, and so on.  When our kids were born, Brian and I both prayed for God to do His will with each of them.  We prayed for a hedge of protection and for wisdom and knowledge to raise them so it pleases Him.  Yet I was still trying to control every thing that happened in their lives.  I thought I was responsible for their actions, good or bad.  All God really requires of us is to teach them and leave the rest up to Him.

It’s kinda like money, in a way.  The money we receive isn’t ours.  It belongs to God.  Everything does.  He’s just loaning it to us.  Same thing with our kids.  They are on loan from God.  I’ve heard this before and I agreed with it…just couldn’t give up control. 

I was banging my head against the wall with a couple of things my kids had done this week.  They were doing things that were uncharacteristic for them…blatant disobedience, making fun of people, random acts of rebellion, etc.  It was all too much for me to handle.  Brian and I disciplined them and they would turn right around and do something else.  During my prayer time one morning, I was asking God to tell me what I needed to change about my parenting so they would stop behaving like they were.  How could I keep them from doing these things?  Why are they acting this way?  After all, I homeschool them, I teach them at church, in the car, I am constantly putting good stuff in their brains so they will do the right things!  What more can I do?  My answer came…Give them up!  Give them to Him…really & truly, give them to Him…don’t just say it, do it.

When I told this to a friend of mine, he said that for the first time he wasn’t afraid of having kids.  He said that since I put it that way, the pressure was off.  That is so true.  When we recognize that God is in control of these little beings He’s entrusted us with, we can’t lose!  All He asks us to do is teach them His word and show His love by our actions.  That, I can do!

Revelation Knowledge

So last night, after writing my blog (read that before you read this – it might make more sense), I just prayed earnestly and whole heartedly for the Lord to give me peace about anything I’m doing.  I know that what I’ve been going through the past few days has been the devil trying to shake me up.  I had made a commitment to get out of the boat.  I was seeing the vision God has for me and was fired up about His plan.  Knowing what I know, I should’ve been more prepared for what was going to happen.  I also know that dealing with attacks is a part of growing closer to the Lord.  I heard a pastor just yesterday (can’t remember his name – he’s from Australia) talking about faith and how you can get hi-jacked.  I remember thinking to myself, “How can people let that happen, why don’t they just trust God for everything?”  Talk about letting something go right past you!

Anyway, this morning I’m studying before the kids get up, looking for what God has to say to me today.  I’m sure you’ve been there too…struggling trying to hear or make something jump out at me (flesh again).  The kids are getting up and my quiet time is over.  I just said, “Lord, I do trust you and I know that the feelings (flesh) I have right now will dissolve.  I don’t want to operate on feelings anymore.  I’m trusting you to lead me out of this and teach me how to be more in your presence.”  And so my day begins.

The kids are having their reading time now so I decided to take advantage of a little more quiet time.  I usually try to do chores while they read.  Today, I felt lead to read more about God and how He is always the same.  I remember hearing Joyce Meyer talk about something on Monday (again, went past me at the time).  She said that no matter what the circumstances, God is always the same.  Everything else changes!  God stays the same.  She also said that the devil will tell you that your bad circumstances will never change and the good things in your life will never stay the same.  So, I came to the computer to see if I could find the scripture she used.  There were many verses and I wanted to write them on my cards that I carry with me. 

So, I type in the search field on Joyce’s website:  God stays the same.  I found an article she wrote about Everyday Answers.  That got my attention since that’s what I’ve been “patiently awaiting.”  What I found out was that I need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of needing to figure out things and know all of the answers.  If I’m missing peace and joy then I’m not trusting God.  Huh, me, not trusting God?  No way.

Here’s a quote from the article:  God wants us to live by discernment—revelation knowledge, not head knowledge. It’s difficult to exercise discernment if you’re always trying to figure out everything. But when you’re willing to say, “God, I can’t figure this out, so I’m going to trust You to give me revelation that will set me free,” then you can be comfortable in spite of not knowing.

I love when I hear stuff that I knew but I wasn’t practicing because it resonates the fact that we need to be doing all of the things we are doing when we finally get it (hope that makes sense).  If I had stopped praying, gotten frustrated, stopped reading and gave up, I’d be in really bad shape.  So, I’m thankful that I continue to trust Him to get me to the next step of faith. 

People will fail us everytime we rely on them.  Rather than trying to figure others out and why they do the things they do, I need to be fixed on Jesus and what he has for me!  It’s not about anyone else and what they can do.  It’s about what God can do.  Everything changes except Him! 

What a difference a week makes.  I was just reading my blog from last week.  It’s been an absolute whirlwind since the recital.  I’m really trying to make sense of what’s going on right now.  Last week I was in one place spiritually and this week a totally different place.  I know God has a plan and I know He’s walking me through this because I have been in almost constant prayer the past few days.  I’m wiped out from battling my flesh.  It is working hard to take over!  The energy and time that I’ve spent these last few weeks on trying to figure things out (myself) could have been used more wisely.  Here’s an idea:  how about ministering to someone.  What a concept. 

My 9 year old son wrote a journal yesterday about his purpose in life.  The boy LOVES basketball so I thought that would be the theme.  He wrote that his purpose is to tell others about Jesus.  He wants to start blogging so check out my blogroll from time to time for his name.  The reason I share that about his journal is the beauty of it and how he gets it at 9.  What’s so difficult about that?  Why do we make it so complicated? 

Anyway, several of you have been asking where I’ve been – no blogs from me.  It’s not pretty but this is where I’ve been.  Please pray for me when I pop into your head.  Chances are, I need it right at that very second. 

Doubt has crept back in.  A lot has happened in just a few days.  I have many questions.  I’m waiting patiently for answers.  Meanwhile, I pray.  God knows what’s next and that’s all that matters.  Just like any other struggle in my life, the peace will come, the joy too.  I like visuals and I see myself in a field right now following Jesus.  It’s quiet, the sun is setting and he’s walking and I’m following.  I don’t know where we are going but I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that it’s somewhere amazing.  It always is.

Glorifying God through Dance, Drama & Music

Last night I attended Pleasant Ridge Fine Arts Academy’s Dance Recital.  This was my 4th year attending.  Emma danced two years, my son danced last year and they both danced this year.  Unfortunately, Emma had a stomach bug and missed her recital last night.  Anyway, it’s been over 24 hours and I am still glowing from the presence of God in that place!

There is no way to describe the renewal that I feel after witnessing such an event.  I get so caught up in the day to day details of ministry.  What needs to be fixed?  What programs need to be better?  What can the Ridge do to get more people in the door?  What curriculum do I use?   All worthwhile details but sometimes those things just keep us BUSY.    This week I have been praying for a renewal, to be on fire for God, to have peace and joy that can only come from Him.  Thus, people will want to know what I know.  After all, if you scurry around all day with a worried look on your face trying to get things accomplished, who wants to be a part of that?

He has shown me so many things this week.  Isn’t it amazing how when we seek, we surely do find (Matt. 7:7)?  One thing that really stands out is how He uses gifts that He gives others.  The dancers last night shared their gifts with everyone there.  There’s no way you could have been there and not known that it was a performance that God orchestrated.  Rehearsal on Friday night was a nightmare.  They were behind 2 hours or more.  We were there from 4:00 – 8:00 and there were people still there after we left.  Fast forward to the recital.  Harald, the teachers and the dancers are very gifted (it’s obvious).  But there’s no way they could have done that by themselves.  Dance groups were praying on stage and in the hallways before they went on, parents were praying with their kids to ease their nerves, and helping backstage I prayed everytime I had to put a prop on stage or take one off (right, Mike?). 

I can dance, I can sing and I can play music…nobody wants to hear or see me when I do those things but I can do it.  God didn’t gift me in those areas.  He did give me the gift of teaching kids.  AND he gave me the love and the passion to do so.  Five years ago, I hadn’t even thought about working in Children’s Ministry.  I still don’t get it sometimes.  Every time I get a little doubtful about how God is using me, He overwhelms me by reminding me of my vision for the Children’s Ministry at the Ridge.  Last night He overwhelmed me again.

2 Timothy 1:7

I cannot believe I am actually doing this blogging thing.  This is not easy and so far it is not fun.  It is, however, getting me out of my comfort zone…laundry, dinner, reading, studying, shopping, etc.  This is the first step “out of the boat.” 

While watching Joyce Meyer today, I am convinced that although my life is exciting, full of abundant blessings and anything but ho hum, I HAVE BEEN stuck “in the boat.”  This ”boat” is, of course, the boat that Jesus approached while walking on water.  Joyce talked about the disciples that trembled in fear as they watched and how Peter trusted the Lord and got out of the boat.  Joyce asked if we were going to stay in our boats and be in bondage to whatever is holding us back from our purpose/vision.  Even though I’ve had an idea of what was keeping me in the boat, I was terrified to deal with it.  After reading some amazing blogs and getting into the scripture that Joyce laid out today, I must move out of the boat, trust God and focus on what pleases Him.  

Searching for approval and doing that which gets me glory from man has been my boat.  Until today, I had no idea why I felt a distance between God and me.  I’ve asked forgiveness when I’ve sinned, I’m grateful for all of my blessings, I read and study God’s word, I go to church regularly, I teach Children’s Church, I pray/talk to God, I surround myself with Godly people and try very hard to do the right things.  I haven’t done a bad job (I’ve told myself).  Why then did I still feel blocked?  After-all, I was truly seeking God – just not exclusively.

I’ve been asked plenty of times why I can’t just do things like most normal people do them.  I’m NOT normal and I’m glad.  One of my favorite verses is Romans 12:12 which says “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  I tell my kids all the time not to try to be “normal” and that God made them special, unique.  One would think I would’ve picked up on that.  Anyway, there are so many different types of “boats” in our lives.  Like Joyce said, “I’d rather get out of the boat and drown than stay in the boat, living in fear of what might happen.”